Cherie said, we're just 19, he's 19 too. The road to marriage will take another 7 - 10 years. Will he be able to love you this long and that much?

I don't know. I want to cherish the moment. I don't want to waste my time, ruining my own future. He's not getting out of my mind any sooner. I seem to have traded everything I have, for his presence. It sounds dumb to prioritize him above my own future. But he has picked the wrong time to make me feel the pain.

Eric said, it's an indication that he's not the one for me. Please concentrate on what I should be doing and have to do, instead of everything about him. What if both of us are together again? He might take another moment in my life and break up with me, or divorce me then? It would be more hurting, if I have reached that stage.

I don't know. I was so sure then like he did. Now I'm making myself tired of all these things. I really want to be a happy old me. I can always love someone else better. There is no need to rush into any relationship. But we were always there for each other. I don't want to get out of this routine. I want to lead that simple life on and on. My life seem more meaningful and complete. He shows me love, happiness and everything. I don't want to go back to those times, I have to worry, no one will ever love me for who I am.

I'm tired and confused. I'm afriad I will lose myself and fail my papers. I don't want that to happen but nothing I can do to bring me up again. Unless, it's him. I'm not sure if he's trying to help me or letting me continue to destroy myself.

Loving someone and not to be loved in return, is tiring. I don't want this to be a passing phase. I need something real, to be with me for a lifetime. I love you, honeybear.